Good Show Sir

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Excuse me, Sir, there is a phone call for you.

Art Director: Is it ready?
Mysterious caller: It’s more glorious than you could ever imagine.
Art Director: You remembered the…
Mysterious caller: Vampire, Minotaur, Robot, Damsel, Roman man in toga with sword, Angel and death star?
Art Director: Don’t forget Saberhagen.. he must be in there to! Mu hahahahahahaaha!
Mysterious caller: MU hahahahahahahaahhahaaha
Art Director: No… only I may laugh! Mu hahahaahahahah!
Mysterious caller: ………………………

(Average: 8.31 out of 10)

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A kids’ book? Well you know what kids love: FONTS, terrible fonts – gold outline! Give me: people animals… that’s right, I want a man weasel, man mouse, man rabbit and man mole all on there. Uh, best not make it too cutesy though, give the weasel a bow and arrow.

(Average: 4.15 out of 10)

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With books today, you know what people are too obsessed with? That’s right, art! Why not (and you are going to love this) just have a female model dressed up as a pirate, teasing a little as she holds her swords to her lofty chest. With the addition of a terrible font we’ll draw a completely accurate picture of how things were like in ‘ye olden days.’

(Average: 7.24 out of 10)

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Right, with a title like that I mean it’s self explanatory, we’ll put a dragon there. What? A bikinni clad busty women with a bow and arrow? Well I don’t see….. and a space ship? But..but….oh alright then, but I’m going to give the women some furs to cover her shame. And by shame I clearly mean shoulders! Yeahhh! High five anyone? Anyone….?

(Average: 7.26 out of 10)

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Trench coats are really in, so I want a big leather one in there on a guy who looks like he’s right out of Top Gun. Have him walking along with his dog, his shirt tucked neatly into his jeans, carrying a magic sword and the typical explosions in the background. Who’s he kissing? Uh..I guess the dog.

(Average: 5.89 out of 10)

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So, for the cover I was thinking “fear”. What are the two things you are most afraid of attacking this building right now? A small space ship firing a pretty standard laser, that’s scary, right? But what, get this, if it came with a friend? A giant legionary‘s sword! If that cut into your building you’d defecate yourself right there and then!

(Average: 8.45 out of 10)

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So with a title like this, one has to be careful. I was thinking of a sweeping landscape and a storm brewing on the horizon. Silhouetted over the coming clouds and setting sun would be some hands in chains and…… Sorry? You just want busty sword welding chicks and a chained male. Ha! Who would approve that?

(Slightly breaks our rules as this is probably comedy – but it is another bank holiday weekend for UK readers! Have fun!)

(Average: 6.21 out of 10)

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Hey! You there beside the water cooler. What books you into these days? Narina? Narninia? Fine, let’s say a lion. And you with the coffee, what do you like? Chicks with swords. Awesome, slap them both on there. Best lens flare the hell out of the background though. I think we need something to grab people’s attention!

(Average: 6.58 out of 10)

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Some artists define a generation: Picasso, Michelangelo, Paul Klee… I want you to be inspired by their works and create something for me. Think of these things: hookers, cats, bats, stereotype vampires, a real man with long cheesy hair holding his long sword. And to make it art, we place them all…. between worlds! Together, my friend, we will define the next generation!

(Average: 7.45 out of 10)

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Two words for you…. pirates vs kinky police officers. Well you know what I mean! Have the officers in long knee highs and holding a large batons. Have a large magic beam hitting a stereotypical pirate in the chest and him grimacing in pain. It’s almost too perfect.

(Average: 6.20 out of 10)

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