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Nov 09

The Anubis Murders

19 Comments »

Put your sword away... this looks like a creature we can work things out with.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments:  “I now pronounce you ThighMaster representative and wife!”
Published 1992

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.42 out of 10)
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Jul 29

The Escape Orbit

19 Comments »

I don't care if it's more of a shark narwhal elephant rhino... just shoot it!!Click for full image

Dead Stuff with Big Teeth Comments: Not Pictured – Sesame Street.
Published 1965

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.47 out of 10)
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Jun 02

The Swordbearer

17 Comments »

My ting! Is bigger than your ting!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: Time to see who has the biggest TING!
Published 1990

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.52 out of 10)
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Mar 05

Fox and Empire

34 Comments »

Well, we fired the baby at them. Do we have any more? No? Time to surrender.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments:
“Our toddlers will blot out the sun!”
“Then we will fight in the shade!”
Published 1998

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.46 out of 10)
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Feb 19

The Gods of Mars

28 Comments »

If you think I feel bad about getting captured... how do you think the guy climbing up below me feels?Click for full image

Bibliomancer’s Art Direction: Sorry Mr. Burroughs but your first Mars book didn’t sell many copies in our Southern bookstores. Perhaps you need a more menacing villain. Our new cover artist has some fresh ideas.
Published 1952

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.24 out of 10)
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Jan 31

Pyramid Power

26 Comments »

When attacked by dragons, use PYRAMID POWER double strength! Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: The helmet wings! They do nothing!
Published 2007

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.72 out of 10)
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Jan 27

Behind the Walls of Terra

22 Comments »

And those who looked up... soon sought counselling.Click for full image

Scott Comments: Sumo-Bellhead will defend his city from all threats!
Published 1978

You might remember this from here & here!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.53 out of 10)
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Jan 14

Blood and Honor

28 Comments »

Looks like we picked the right week to perm our hair!!Click for full image

Scott Comments: Billy Ray Cyrus and the chick from “Showgirls” fight monsters. Including the green slime monster from “Ghostbusters”.
Published 1993

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.15 out of 10)
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Jan 13

Etruscans

18 Comments »

Look could we hurry up... I've put on a bit of weight over Christmas and this fixed breast plate is killing me. Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: I am SO sorry, Mrs. Goliath, I had no idea.
Published 2000

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.71 out of 10)
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Jan 09

The Eternal Champion

30 Comments »

Worst... dentist... ever...Click for full image

Jaouad Comments: Welcome to a new game of Spot The Rockstar! Among this week’s line-up are: Brian May, Ozzy Osbourne, Eddie van Halen, Steve Harris, Jimmy Page, Ian Gillan, John Deacon, Glenn Tipton, Dave Brock, and the ever elusive drum legend Alan Moore.
Published 1976

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.50 out of 10)
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