Good Show Sir

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With such a great confulence of fantasy and romance, we must voyage into a realm of highest art and… ahhh, who am I kidding. Busty red headed women holding her huge dagger! Do not, on your life, forget the glow.

(Average: 6.98 out of 10)

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So with a title like this, one has to be careful. I was thinking of a sweeping landscape and a storm brewing on the horizon. Silhouetted over the coming clouds and setting sun would be some hands in chains and…… Sorry? You just want busty sword welding chicks and a chained male. Ha! Who would approve that?

(Slightly breaks our rules as this is probably comedy – but it is another bank holiday weekend for UK readers! Have fun!)

(Average: 6.45 out of 10)

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Right, we’re in a recession, we need a cover that sells! Hmm, all black cover? You, sir, are fired! We need exploding cities in the midst of being attacked. A woman in a yellow and black striped catsuit, no wait… an alien woman! She can be holding a dagger while she peers into the foreground, completely ignoring the chaos behind her. If that doesn’t sell I’ll jump right out that window.

(Average: 7.23 out of 10)

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Hey! You there beside the water cooler. What books you into these days? Narina? Narninia? Fine, let’s say a lion. And you with the coffee, what do you like? Chicks with swords. Awesome, slap them both on there. Best lens flare the hell out of the background though. I think we need something to grab people’s attention!

(Average: 6.58 out of 10)

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Look I know it’s unusual but I want an actual lynx. It doesn’t stand up like a human, it doesn’t hold some sort of laser rifle, nor does it appear from a space ship. I just want it pouncing across the cover with a princely guy in a white cape leaping with it, while he grasps his sword. That’s not as cheesy right?

(Average: 4.63 out of 10)

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Some artists define a generation: Picasso, Michelangelo, Paul Klee… I want you to be inspired by their works and create something for me. Think of these things: hookers, cats, bats, stereotype vampires, a real man with long cheesy hair holding his long sword. And to make it art, we place them all…. between worlds! Together, my friend, we will define the next generation!

(Average: 7.45 out of 10)

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Two words for you…. pirates vs kinky police officers. Well you know what I mean! Have the officers in long knee highs and holding a large batons. Have a large magic beam hitting a stereotypical pirate in the chest and him grimacing in pain. It’s almost too perfect.

(Average: 6.33 out of 10)

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You know the two things I love: big bosomed women and lizards. Have them woven in an epic battle, lizard versus women as she tries to slice at it with her magical blade. Don’t go all crazy on me though, concentrate on the boobs.

(Average: 6.05 out of 10)

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A huge hunky man with bulging muscles and a loincloth that just about covers his ass with a sword symbolically hanging down from it. Oh and have him holding a huge spear with his taught sweaty arms.Wait – better make this a little less fabulous – add in a dragon that he might be about to kill… or seduce….

Thanks to CSA!

(Average: 7.73 out of 10)

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(Average: 8.16 out of 10)

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