Good Show Sir

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As we all know around this table. There comes a time in every mans life when he just has to, pick up a flute and shake his ass at a redheaded troll figure. So if we have that on there with the troll pointing and shouting angrily at the dudes bottom. Is he jealous? Is he pointing out the guys ass shaking might destroy the fabric of reality? We’ll let the viewer decide.

Published 2005

(Average: 8.55 out of 10)

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Well, we’ve got the red on there, ’cause of fire being in the title. We’ve got the epic dragon and the merlin esk wizard with his magic orb. But we’re missing something. Something that’s going to make someone pick up the book and think, ‘this is the one.’ Of course!! Surround the title in an awesome gold shiny goodness!

(Average: 4.26 out of 10)

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I need sci-fi mixed in with something suggestive! Yeah baby!! I am talking about tight space suits that make you wonder how they ever got into them. Huge racks and huge packs, if you know what I mean! Guns shaped suggestively like a… you know… *giggles* Whatever you do don’t mess it up with something like giving the women a perm. Are you listening to me?

(Average: 8.27 out of 10)

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Draw a few dinosaurs and some people jet-packing around the planet. That way we have both words of the title covered. Though, concentrate on the title, huge black box, every word highlighted with something awesome. You don’t know what that means? For God’s sake man, like, put the word ‘Anne’ in an orange diamond shape. That’s the type of awesome I’m talking about!

(Average: 6.40 out of 10)

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I’m thinking book covers are normally so unrealistic. They have things that are so unbelievable it would make your mother cry. Not us! I propose, a photographic quality drawing of a military man placing his shined boot on the head of his latest kill: a giant ant insect alien creature. It will be just like they are back in the great war…. with aliens…

(Average: 4.00 out of 10)

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So I climbed over the mountain peak and made my way through the snow storm. I was close to death and feared I may never see another living soul again. Then I stumbled on the temple, and the great master. There he leaned forward from his mediation. Placing a single flower petal in my hand he whispered, ‘shoulder pads’. It changed my life.

(Average: 7.79 out of 10)

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In my life time, I’ve seen dragons vs lasers, dragons vs swords, even dragons vs man-tigers. Where haven’t we gone you ask? Well my dear friend, let me but whisper these words into your ear and pray they don’t start to bleed with pleasure. Dragons vs Concordes! That’s right, with shoulder pads and eighties hair cuts!

(Average: 6.90 out of 10)

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Excuse me, Sir, there is a phone call for you.

Art Director: Is it ready?
Mysterious caller: It’s more glorious than you could ever imagine.
Art Director: You remembered the…
Mysterious caller: Vampire, Minotaur, Robot, Damsel, Roman man in toga with sword, Angel and death star?
Art Director: Don’t forget Saberhagen.. he must be in there to! Mu hahahahahahaaha!
Mysterious caller: MU hahahahahahahaahhahaaha
Art Director: No… only I may laugh! Mu hahahaahahahah!
Mysterious caller: ………………………

(Average: 8.45 out of 10)

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A kids’ book? Well you know what kids love: FONTS, terrible fonts – gold outline! Give me: people animals… that’s right, I want a man weasel, man mouse, man rabbit and man mole all on there. Uh, best not make it too cutesy though, give the weasel a bow and arrow.

(Average: 4.16 out of 10)

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The year was 1967… it was the summer of love and we sat the whole team around a field and…… I almost remembered something there…. but it’s gone. When we all awoke three days later we had this.

(Average: 6.18 out of 10)

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