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Nothing sells books better than Jesus! Just look at the sales of the Bible, top seller every year. So we’ll have three crosses on a hill, that’s the Jesus part. Then some guy kneeling next to a bleeding fleshy cocoon, that’s the sci-fi part. With this cover, we’re fulfilling the prophecy! Just kidding, now get me more coffee!

(Average: 5.82 out of 10)

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You know what all guns should have? Large magazine, maybe. Insanely large silencer on the end, possibly. A leather clad busty blonde, you’re almost there. Nope? All guns should have a guitar hero controller. When wouldn’t you want to stop fighting and starpower some AC/DC?!

(Average: 7.89 out of 10)

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Eyelashes! We’ll have a dragon with eyelashes, peering over at some wizard reading his dragon magical book. It won’t just be any mage, he’ll have a magical staff! Unheard of I know. And a side parting to make the king of side partings proud. As for the title, make it silver. We have to stand out somehow.

(Average: 6.32 out of 10)

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Nothing burns a visual greatness of fantasy into one’s mind better than a huge transparent face in the sky. And a woman with a large snake wrapped around her… yes I suggested it, and in fact I insist on it! Just make sure she’s grasping her magical wand.

(Average: 7.76 out of 10)

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There’s only one thing in this world that can make a muscle infused man in a loincloth and his scantily clad female faint almost instantly. A naked red headed minotaur who is sneezing at them. Just remember, the sure fire way to success, keep the clothes to a minimum!

(Average: 8.53 out of 10)

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I’m talking busy, like izzy wizzy lets get busy! Magic! We need a blonde hero swinging his sword, and something magical, oh a like a griffin! Then we’ll have a centaur archer and why not just have a dragon-esque creature. With horns, red eyes and tiny wings.

(Average: 5.11 out of 10)

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EVIL CHILDREN! With red eyes! And lasers coming from an evil red orb or possibly some sort of moon, lighting up the evil child with even more red! And People! Just watching the red moon! Ok, I’m calmed down, what’s this about a book cover?

(Average: 6.83 out of 10)

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Nothing says, ‘I’m one hundred percent pure man,’ than a glowing sword, blonde curtains and a cape with some red velvet lining. We’ll have him charging towards the reader on his horse, waving his sword and smiling manically. Make sure the fonts have at least three layers of bordering!

(Average: 4.62 out of 10)

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Well magic is purple. Fact! So we are sorted for that but we need a way of getting magic’s amazing power across to people. I know, electricity… and some guy in obvious pain as he weaves his supernatural element. We all know that when you meddle with the supernatural all you get is that burning sensation of being electrocuted.

Thanks to CSA!

(Average: 7.86 out of 10)

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Most covers only hint at cleavage. Where we will succeed will be in the tactic of placing an actual topless women on the cover! Riding horse back along an alien desert. Oh, and she is being lead by a sort of Apache Indian bloke with an extremely long sword. And yes, I mean a literal sword.

Thanks to Craig!

(Average: 6.65 out of 10)

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