Feb 04
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I’ll tell you want you need. And skin it for free. Sorry, I mean what you need are bubble helmets and plenty of them. Nothing screams, ‘we’re in the future’ more than bubble helmets. With space suits of different unnecessarily bright colours. It’s the new retro. Or, the same as the previous retro… pretro?
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Tagged with: beard-wielding • bubble helmet • damsel • dude • ill-fitting spacesuit • Julie Bell • Michael Flynn • space • Tor Books
Feb 03
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There is one thing we should be about, fonts! Lots of them. Vast and glorious as they confuse your mind. Then we’ll just have something completely unoriginal on the cover. Something like, oh I don’t know, some marines firing their weapons at an tribal people who live in the trees. Sounds like a crap B movie eh? Ah ha ha ha ha.
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Tagged with: Ballantine Books • Dan Cragg • David Sherman • dude • font problems • gun • Mark Harrison • Starfist series • war
Feb 02
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Everyone is into wizards these days. Your friends, that strange shopkeeper next door who just stares at you, even your mother! Sorry… but who wouldn’t appreciate a mullet wielding wizard with a sexy open ripped shirt, kneeling next to a dragon in the midst of a spell? Teenagers? Well… mmm… uh… uh oh.
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Tagged with: Ace Books • dragon • dude • Lost Years of Merlin series • magic • merlin • Mike Wimmer • T.A. Barron • Tom Barron • Wizaaaaaaaard!
Feb 01
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HOLY father of APOLLO! I have it, again! Cat people! Oh alright, we won’t have it just as bad as last time but we should have at least three of them. And some guy with a beard, and an alien city, and purple fonts that burn into your mind.
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Tagged with: alien city • anthropomorphism • Baen Books • beard-wielding • Bob Eggleton • cat people • Christopher Anvil • David Weber • Eric Flint • font problems • lynx people • moon • space ships
Jan 29
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It was my late teens and I was studying hard at some top notch university. Then came the LSD and it was all, floating semi translucent men surrounded by magical orbs in a forest being watched by unicorns. I suppose that has something to do with the world of cats, right?
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Tagged with: Ace Books • dude • E.T. Steadman • magic • magical orbs • muscles • teleport • Unicorns! • Will Shetterly
Jan 28
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Ok! What would gods normally do, while inhabiting the body of a busty half naked women? Hmmm, how about standing by a sweet tower glowing oddly, on all fours in front of some sort of cat creature and swinging a sword about to decapitate a snake. Gods are all about the sexual innuendo! Yeaaaaahhhhaaa!
Thanks to David D!
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Tagged with: +1 Protection from Spelling • bird • cleavage • damsel • glow • J.R. Mitchell • lizards • magic • Unknown Artist Institute • unknown publisher • WTF
Jan 27
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We’ll have a dragon sweeping into a castle wall, a ninja on its back. And we’ll have the dragon actually killing someone with it’s, ummmm, magic breath. That’s right, just magic. Possibly electricity. I don’t know what dragons actually breathed, I haven’t got to that part in my dragonology night course yet.
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Tagged with: Baen Books • bladed weapons • David Weber • dragon • electricity • gun • Hell's Gate series • Kurt Miller • Linda Evans • magic • war
Jan 26
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Fantasy readers can’t think for themselves! They need one thing, hyper realism! It’s a phrase I’m coining. So well have a guy in his pajamas and an old women in a dressing gown staring at a magical glowing orb in the palm of the dudes hand. All set within a dark forest.
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Tagged with: Andre Norton • dude • glow • Kevin Johnson • magic • magical orbs • Mary H. Schaub • Warner Aspect books • Witch Word • Witch World: Secrets series • wizened crone
Jan 22
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Doctor: It’s alright Madame, your Son simply has a case of the TeenFlu.
Concerned Mother: Thank you doctor, is there anything I can do for him?
Doctor: Well, I prescribe some awesome red and yellow training warrior monks, a large dude in a kimono and a busty women in a gold bikini grasping her short sword. Here, take this book.
Concerned Mother: Uh… you’re a medical doctor right?
Doctor: My doctorate came in a toblerone box.
Concerned Mother: Ohhhhhhh K, well I’ll be going.
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Tagged with: bikini • bladed weapons • chainmail lingerie • cleavage • damsel • Good Show Sir • Julian Gibson • Martin Millar • Martin Scott • monks • shrubbery • sword • Thraxas series
Jan 21
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Nothing sells books better than Jesus! Just look at the sales of the Bible, top seller every year. So we’ll have three crosses on a hill, that’s the Jesus part. Then some guy kneeling next to a bleeding fleshy cocoon, that’s the sci-fi part. With this cover, we’re fulfilling the prophecy! Just kidding, now get me more coffee!
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Tagged with: blob of awesomeness • cross • egg • Jim Burns • Michael Moorcock • neo-jesus • Orion Books • SF Masterworks • WTF
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