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Aug 23

Awkk... just another Friday night in the centre of Glasgow.Click for full image

Scott B Comments: I heartily approve of the Space Moose steed here, but the culture clash of the Native American / Scots clothing is really messing with my mind. And the giant fiery phoenix hair. I guess this isn’t one of the four books my planetary civilization needs.
Published 1969

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Sep 20

Lucky for me... octopuses don't know how to sword fight! hiyaaaaa! Or do they... oh crap...Click for full image

Art Direction: Man in a thong sword fighting an octopus while two half naked babes watch. My only regret is that only the French people will see this glorious work of art. Maybe someday… someone… somewhere will show this to the masses so they might all say, “Good Show Sir. Good Show!”
Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Mar 20

I hate it when you get a metal nipple vest that doesn't fit... so embarrassing!Click for full image

Bilbiomancer Comments: So as I understand it fish started walking upright, evolved into robots, evolved into birdmen, evolved into women, evolved into Human? Got it!
Published 1954
Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Apr 17

Giant space heads have to deal with giant pimples somehow.Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction:
“Scotty, we need more clip-art!”

“She can’t take much more captain! We push her any harder and we risk a font overload!”

“Dammit, just do it man!”
Published 1999

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Apr 16

Darn... you really do know how to make an AWESOME sandwich!Click for full image

Remember when you used to dress up in black clothes, paint red eyes on your hoodie, stand with a knife and pretend to sacrifice your little brother to an evil spirit just to gain some physical power that will, in the end, only destroy you? No? Well you haven’t lived man! Now, let’s put that on there.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Apr 01

Good Show Sir... Good Show!Click for full image

That’s right! It is finally here – Good Show Sir: The Book! It’s taken me a while to write because of the many pre-conjunctions but it’s coming out this month! My family and friends told me my real name isn’t strong enough so I have chosen a pen name to write under.

Title: Good Show Sir
Author: Dr. J. R. Asimov
Publisher: Self Published
Publish Date:
1st April 2013
Synopsis: Gilbert W. Izard is a mild-mannered book editor in search of that one special cover with everything on it. One day he happens upon a strange antique tome that leads him into a hidden world and on an adventure that neither he… NOR YOU… will ever forget.

And I even have a special treat for you! An excerpt from the book itself.

“Nooooo!” screamed Space Sheep the anthropomorphic cyborg sheepmage, as he dove in front of Evil Floating C.S.Lewis’ head’s laser beam.

Space Sheep lay on the ground motionless for he had taken the bullet laser for Tiffany deLarge Cleavage. She bounced over to him wearing her female adventurers outfit, just enough to cover her devil’s dumplings and glared at Evil C.S.Lewis’s floating head. “You monster,” she muttered sorrowfully.

“That’s right,” proclaimed the Floating Evil Head of C.S. Lewis, “there is no-one left to stop me!”

Suddenly there was a voice.

“Think again Lewis!” said Gilbert W. Izard, a man of granite with muscles loved throughout every nation. He was: the greatest fighter in all the realm; a lover of women (apart from that one time in university); a dragon tamer; a skilled knife fighter; Pac-Man 2008 Blackpool International champion; a practicing magician; part time charity shop worker and, most importantly, an art director. “Kill you, I will, Lewis!”

Gilbert lunged forward with all his mighty strength as the Knife of Expelium plunged deeply through the forehead skin of Evil Floating C.Lewis’ head.

After dying about an hour later, they all gathered around Space Sheep. “He was my friend…” acclaimed Timanus the Man Tiger.

“Don’t,” – Space Sheep coughed up blood and a bit of last nights lamb curry – “count me out yet!”

“As the old saying goes: adepto a generica metaphoricus postea!”

Good Show Sir – the novel – is available from:

Counter of Oxfam Second Hand Book Shop (Luton Branch)
Costa Coffee (Stirling Motorway Services Area M8)

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Nov 19

Even daemons of hellfire occasionally like to put bra's on their heads.Click for full image

Frank Comments: Now here’s one that if I were on the bus and saw someone reading it, I might try to avoid attracting his or her attention. Just not my sort of creepy I guess.
Published 1968

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Jun 11

And here is your blind date, Shelgrangormoth the Third.Click for full image

Shira Comments: My partner discovered this book at the Friends of the Library Book Sale in Ithaca, NY. With my love of mushrooms and her love of cheesy sci-fi, we had to have it, of course!
Published 1973

A brilliant picture out in the wild!
Many thanks to Shira!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Jul 11

Somone's been on the Tesco own-brand bourbon again!Click for full SHOCKINGLY INDECENT image

Jon Comments: I know those Moorcock/Mayflower covers are like shooting fish in a barrel, but I needed something to go with my chips. I actually got the man himself to sign my copy recently and I told him I felt the film version was underrated. He agreed with me, with the minor change of “under” to “over”. Seemed a nice bloke, though.
Published 1973

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.58 out of 10)
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Apr 09

Dude, you're facing the wrong way.Click for full image

Well I am thinking, man in miniskirt stands in the background with a very large sword. Then we’ll have a man standing in the foreground thrusting his sword from his pelvis as he furiously… well. Lets just say he looks furious, the destroyed viewers’ minds will do the rest.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.57 out of 10)
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